Many years ago, when my daughters were much younger, I was explaining the importance of delayed gratification (can you imagine how intolerable it would be having a father as a coach? Very… apparently). To demonstrate my point, I described the famous experiment conducted by Walter Mischel and his colleagues at Stanford University in the 1960s. To this, my daughter responded with overwhelming confidence, “I’d be really good at that!”

If you’re unfamiliar with the experiment, the marshmallow test aimed to study delayed gratification and self-control in children. In the experiment, a child was presented with a marshmallow and given a choice: they could eat the treat immediately, or they could wait for a short period (typically 15 minutes) and receive an additional treat as a reward. The results revealed that children who resisted the immediate temptation and waited for the reward tended to have better outcomes later in life, such as higher academic achievement, better social skills, and improved emotional regulation. This simple yet impactful experiment has been influential in psychology, sparking discussions on self-control, decision-making, and the nature of human behaviour.

Taken aback by such confidence, I asked, “Why do you say that?”

“I don’t like marshmallows,” she said smugly. Can you imagine how intolerable it would be to have such a smug child? I’d better not answer that!

Why this recollection came to mind after all these years is because I was debating in my mind whether it is always better to delay gratification for a future (but sometimes uncertain) reward, or to live in the moment—have your reward now and damn the consequences! After all, mindfulness practitioners often tell us that it is healthier to live in the moment, do they not?

For example, although I’ve got a few years to go, my wife and I are saving for retirement. I don’t know about you, but I’d like to have a few options when I get there. To achieve that, we have to make some sacrifices now. BUT, how many people do you know who have been whisked away from us in their prime? If they could pass on their wisdom, what would they tell us to do?

The other thing I’m doing is upping my exercise. I’m not training for anything in particular, but because I’m so funny, when asked, I often quip, “I’m training for middle age.” Although said in jest, I’m being very serious. Why? Because as we get older, especially over the age of 50, things start to go south very quickly. Therefore, the importance of staying in shape (increasing muscle mass and reducing fat) becomes crucial from a quality-of-life point of view. If, for example, you want to be able to tramp the same distance carrying a 10 kg weighted backpack in ten years that you do now, you need to be carrying a 20 kg weighted backpack because of the amount of strength (muscle mass) we lose over that time. If you’re in your 30s, you don’t need to worry so much about this now; however, make sure you pack this sage advice from Uncle Cillín away somewhere in your mental backpack because you’ll be thankful in 20 years.

So, what’s the answer? For me, the answer lies in our value system and our identity as a person. You see, for my daughter, not eating the marshmallow isn’t a sacrifice at all because she doesn’t like marshmallows; however, it also wouldn’t be a sacrifice for a person who simply didn’t eat sugar because of their value system. “Hi, Cillín, would you like a cigarette?” “No thank you, kind stranger, I don’t smoke.” Smoking isn’t part of my identity and therefore it’s not a sacrifice for me—no willpower is needed. So here’s my question for you: What beliefs do you have around your impulse control? Are you the type of person who gives in too quickly or, even if you used to, have you developed strategies to postpone gratification for a larger reward later down the track? Are you even tempted by life’s marshmallows because of your value system? Are you a saver rather than a spendthrift (identity statements)?

Are you interested in tools for building a high performing team? Then check out my new book ‘Now, Lead Others’.

If you’re interested in hearing more tips about how you can Unleash Your Potential or that of your team, please feel free to drop me a note. I’m always happy to share ideas and help where I can.

As leaders we often forget how important a feedback conversation is to one of our team. To you and me, giving feedback might seem like a simple straightforward conversation but that couldn’t be further from reality. Even the smallest, seemingly insignificant, feedback can be taken the wrong way.

(more…)

Without trust, the chances of building a high performing team are virtually nil. Unfortunately it takes time and effort to build the type of trust in which a team can thrive but there are ways to help speed this along. One approach that I share in my leadership workshops is a simple, yet powerful, expectations exploration exercise. So how does it work?

(more…)

“If only I had more time to get things done …” If this is a lament you say to yourself more often than not then it’s clear you need a new strategy. I’m not judging because I’ve caught myself saying this more than I care to admit but it got to a point at the beginning of this year when I had enough!

I had all these big goals for the summer that included: (more…)

Are you part of the 55% of people who set new year’s resolutions but fails to keep them 12 months down the line, or do you follow through and make the changes that enable you achieve your goals? Why is it that the vast majority fail to achieve their goals; 11% even give up in less than a month. Here are a few tips for why goal setting doesn’t work and a few to help you smash your goals for the year! (more…)

If you’ve ever worked with me you know that I don’t promote ideas that I don’t put into practice myself. Over the last 4 months I’ve been focusing on something that’s not entirely new but is always on my mind, as I’m sure it’s on your mind too! How do I know this? Because it’s something that is constantly in the media and is never far from people’s lips. What’s this ‘not entirely’ new experiment I’ve been implementing?

(more…)

I was only ever pretty average at school. The best grade I got was a ‘B’ and I only got it once. Needless to say the world of academia wasn’t for me. I was more into sports and training at the time so it was off to fitness and leisure management for me. What was really interesting is that I soon propelled myself to the top of the class. (more…)

The scene was set and the conditions were perfect. I woke up at 5am and went through my morning routine to prepare for the day ahead. My clothing for the morning was all laid out the night before and I filled my bag with water bottles and nutrition. My girls wandered around the rented accommodation sleepily as they got themselves ready. At the transition area I completed the set up with my bike and made my way to the swim start. There was the usual mix of nerves made easier by the friendly banter of the other athletes milling around. And then, before I knew it the Tauranga Half Ironman was underway! (more…)

Welcome to 2022! What a year it’s been! Indeed, the great thing about a new year is that it gives us the energy, the determination and the focus to do something new. Unfortunately, most of us, by the end of the month, will already have lost our will to continue with the changes we so fervently committed to only a few weeks before. We’re funny ol’ creatures, aren’t we?

The question in the title is a big one. Mostly we’re asked the question, who are you? (more…)

More and more I’m hearing that this lockdown just seems that little bit harder than the last time. It came on pretty quickly this time, it’s in the second half of the year when we’re already tired and ready for a break, this strain of the virus is more unpredictable! Know that if you’re feeling this way it’s completely natural, many others are feeling this way too. But why are we feeling that this lockdown is harder and what can we do about it? (more…)