Many years ago, when my daughters were much younger, I was explaining the importance of delayed gratification (can you imagine how intolerable it would be having a father as a coach? Very… apparently). To demonstrate my point, I described the famous experiment conducted by Walter Mischel and his colleagues at Stanford University in the 1960s. To this, my daughter responded with overwhelming confidence, “I’d be really good at that!”

If you’re unfamiliar with the experiment, the marshmallow test aimed to study delayed gratification and self-control in children. In the experiment, a child was presented with a marshmallow and given a choice: they could eat the treat immediately, or they could wait for a short period (typically 15 minutes) and receive an additional treat as a reward. The results revealed that children who resisted the immediate temptation and waited for the reward tended to have better outcomes later in life, such as higher academic achievement, better social skills, and improved emotional regulation. This simple yet impactful experiment has been influential in psychology, sparking discussions on self-control, decision-making, and the nature of human behaviour.

Taken aback by such confidence, I asked, “Why do you say that?”

“I don’t like marshmallows,” she said smugly. Can you imagine how intolerable it would be to have such a smug child? I’d better not answer that!

Why this recollection came to mind after all these years is because I was debating in my mind whether it is always better to delay gratification for a future (but sometimes uncertain) reward, or to live in the moment—have your reward now and damn the consequences! After all, mindfulness practitioners often tell us that it is healthier to live in the moment, do they not?

For example, although I’ve got a few years to go, my wife and I are saving for retirement. I don’t know about you, but I’d like to have a few options when I get there. To achieve that, we have to make some sacrifices now. BUT, how many people do you know who have been whisked away from us in their prime? If they could pass on their wisdom, what would they tell us to do?

The other thing I’m doing is upping my exercise. I’m not training for anything in particular, but because I’m so funny, when asked, I often quip, “I’m training for middle age.” Although said in jest, I’m being very serious. Why? Because as we get older, especially over the age of 50, things start to go south very quickly. Therefore, the importance of staying in shape (increasing muscle mass and reducing fat) becomes crucial from a quality-of-life point of view. If, for example, you want to be able to tramp the same distance carrying a 10 kg weighted backpack in ten years that you do now, you need to be carrying a 20 kg weighted backpack because of the amount of strength (muscle mass) we lose over that time. If you’re in your 30s, you don’t need to worry so much about this now; however, make sure you pack this sage advice from Uncle Cillín away somewhere in your mental backpack because you’ll be thankful in 20 years.

So, what’s the answer? For me, the answer lies in our value system and our identity as a person. You see, for my daughter, not eating the marshmallow isn’t a sacrifice at all because she doesn’t like marshmallows; however, it also wouldn’t be a sacrifice for a person who simply didn’t eat sugar because of their value system. “Hi, Cillín, would you like a cigarette?” “No thank you, kind stranger, I don’t smoke.” Smoking isn’t part of my identity and therefore it’s not a sacrifice for me—no willpower is needed. So here’s my question for you: What beliefs do you have around your impulse control? Are you the type of person who gives in too quickly or, even if you used to, have you developed strategies to postpone gratification for a larger reward later down the track? Are you even tempted by life’s marshmallows because of your value system? Are you a saver rather than a spendthrift (identity statements)?

Are you interested in tools for building a high performing team? Then check out my new book ‘Now, Lead Others’.

If you’re interested in hearing more tips about how you can Unleash Your Potential or that of your team, please feel free to drop me a note. I’m always happy to share ideas and help where I can.

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