Leadership and performance coaching

Who are you… becoming?

January 20th, 2022 Posted by Leadership Tools, Life Coaching, Performance Coaching

Welcome to 2022! What a year it’s been! Indeed, the great thing about a new year is that it gives us the energy, the determination and the focus to do something new. Unfortunately, most of us, by the end of the month, will already have lost our will to continue with the changes we so fervently committed to only a few weeks before. We’re funny ol’ creatures, aren’t we?

The question in the title is a big one. Mostly we’re asked the question, who are you? But I think the one above adds a little more gravitas because we’re never in a solitary state; in fact, I’ve heard it said that we’re either growing or we’re dying – now that’s a positive message for the new year, isn’t it? Unfortunately there’s some truth to it. As human beings we do tend to lean towards wanting to improve ourselves; hence the desire to set new years resolutions, etc. The challenge occurs when those changes aren’t aligned to either who we are or who we’re becoming and so, after the initial mental push, they fall by the wayside and we go back to who we’ve always been, only maybe a little bigger around the waist! So how can we ensure those changes are aligned to both who we are and who are becoming so they become part of our status quo.

Sometimes when I’m working with a client I’m asked the question, how can I maintain my motivation? Here’s a common scenario. Simone wants to lose weight so she signs up to complete a 10Km run. She trains for the event and smashes not only her personal best time but she succeeds in her goal of dropping those few pounds. But! Now that she’s achieved her goal she stops training and the weight starts to pile on again. How does she stay motivated to keep training? The answer might be to sign up for another race, then another, then another but sometimes that’s not practical. Inevitably Simone is going to yo-yo with her weight in this common cycle:

  1. Simone gets frustrated with her weight
  2. She signs up for a running race
  3. She completes the race and loses the weight
  4. Returns back to her largely sedentary lifestyle
  5. Rinse and repeat…

Simone will never break this cycle until she incorporates health and fitness into her value system. This is a common pattern in a range of ‘change activity’, not just weight loss. Why it’s so important that we understand our values is because our values, whether we’re consciously aware of them or not, drive every decision we make. Therefore, if health and fitness isn’t in Simone’s value system she’ll make other decisions aligned with those until she experiences enough psychological pain that forces her into action. However, if health and fitness does become a part of her value system then she is much more likely to make decisions about when she exercises and how she eats much more consciously and achieve the results she wants.

The goals that are important to us stem from our values. When we fail to follow through with a goal it’s quite possible it wasn’t our goal at all. It’s likely we decided we need to achieve a goal because of external influences; not because of our internal drivers. Our values influence every aspect of our lives; they act as a compass pointing us in the direction we take in life. If there is ever a time when you’re confused or unsure of which direction to take in your life it’s very possible that you’re unclear about your values.

So here’s the thing, our values are made up – we’ve made them up! The great thing about that is, if your current values don’t support who you are becoming, you can change them. If Simone introduces a value of health into her value system she’s ‘naturally’ going to become a different person in 6 months time than if she didn’t. Therefore, if there’s any area in your life that you’re dissatisfied with, create a value in this area, raise your standards and start making the decisions that align with who you are becoming.

 

If you’d like to know more about how to achieve more in life or business, or if you’d like to explore how coaching can help you become a better leader (of others or yourself!), or even if you’re just generally curious about what professional coaching can offer you, please contact us at any time for a free consultation.

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