I’m sure you’re aware of the statistics when it comes to people sticking to their New Year’s resolutions. You might even have personal statistics for how well you’ve done in the past that buck the trend. But what that trend tells us is that around 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail by February, and only about 10% of people actually accomplish their goals by the end of the year. However, one of the key reasons why people fail at achieving their New Year’s resolutions is often overlooked, and it is rarely talked about.
A few years ago, I was working with a client who came to me for leadership coaching. She was a well respected middle manager in the energy sector, and her initial goals focused on communication and being more effective in her workplace. After making good progress with these goals, she asked if we could change the focus a little. She explained that a personal goal she had was to lose weight. She told me that she had tried everything, but nothing seemed to work. She had worked with a nutritionist, a hypnotherapist, a naturopath, a spiritual healer and, although she made progress in the beginning, it wasn’t long before the weight started to pile on again.
I had a pretty good idea of how to approach helping her, but rather than tell, I always find it better to show. I explained that I was going to ask her a series of questions, and that the type of answers I was looking for were one or two word responses. I took out some Post it notes and asked her the first question: What’s most important to you in life? She gave her answer, I wrote it down on a Post it note, and then I asked her the next question: What’s most important to you in life? She looked at me as if I had two heads, and I laughed, telling her that I hoped she had more than one thing that was important to her in life. After about eight iterations, I placed her answers on a whiteboard.
Where do you think health was on her list of values? If you’re guessing it didn’t make the list, you’re right. The reason she failed to make lasting progress was because, when it came time to make a decision about where she’d spend her time or what to focus on, her values unconsciously steered her away from her health goal and back to what was important — at least according to her value system. For example, if that morning she had committed to going for a walk at lunchtime but then, in the moment, decided to try and clear her inbox instead. Or if she had committed to preparing a healthy lunch and snacks for the following day but found herself watching television instead. You can start to see why she was having trouble achieving her goal: health didn’t exist in her value system and, like a ship’s compass, her values kept pulling her back on course so she remained aligned to them.
The question “What’s most important to you in life?” is so powerful to contemplate because the answers that come to us speak to our values. A straightforward definition of a value is “those things that are important to us, that we hold personally sacred”. We all have values, whether we’re conscious of them or not, and they influence every decision we make (i.e. what we will do), and we use our values to evaluate what we have done. We all know when we’ve done something that misaligns with a value because we feel shame, regret, anger, or guilt. Basically, our values tell us what to focus on and how to spend our time.
Our goals are directly aligned to our values. So, if you’ve ever given up on a New Year’s resolution in the past and shrugged it off, it’s likely your goal wasn’t aligned to your value system and, just like my client, your day to day decisions didn’t support you in achieving that goal.
The good news is that our values, as important as they are to us, are arbitrary — they’re made up. Our values are strongly influenced by our culture, the people we choose to spend time with, our education, religion, the significant people in our lives, social media, and even the articles we read. Therefore, if there’s an area in your life that you would like to do better in — whether it’s finances, health, relationships, or career — ask yourself where this area sits in your value system. If it doesn’t exist, or if it’s down toward the bottom of the list, create one and it to move it closer to the top, wherever feels right for you. A simple way of doing this is to find a quiet space, close your eyes, and imagine what you would be doing if you were living this value. Ask yourself: What key decisions should I be making? and, just as importantly, When might those decision points come into conflict? If you repeat this exercise for a couple of minutes every morning, you will become much more conscious of what to focus on throughout the day, and your decisions will start to reflect your new value — ultimately leading to better, long lasting results.
Don’t shy away from making a New Year’s resolution; simply ensure that your goal aligns with your value system or create a value for the area in your life you wish to change. I wish you every success in making 2026 your best year yet!
Are you interested in tools for building a high performing team? Then check out my new book ‘Now, Lead Others’.
If you’re interested in hearing more tips about how you can Unleash Your Potential or that of your team, please feel free to drop me a note. I’m always happy to share ideas and help where I can.
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash
