People often ask me, “How did you become a coach?” The straightforward answer is: I quit my job and told everyone I was a coach. That was it. The more honest, nuanced answer includes years of study, countless rejections, and even more mistakes. But within that struggle, I discovered that finding your purpose isn’t a lightning bolt moment, it’s a process of connecting the dots of your life.
The next question I’m usually asked is, “Did you always want to be a coach?”
This one is more interesting to reflect on. The truth is, I didn’t even know coaching was a profession. I knew sportspeople had coaches, of course, but I’d never met a leadership coach. I knew them by different titles: trainer, facilitator, consultant. So when I think about whether I always wanted to be a coach, the answer is no – but I should have known better, because the clues were always there. If you’re interested in finding your purpose or at least starting to explore what it might be, read on.
Looking Back for Clues
When I work with people who are trying to understand their purpose, I ask them a series of reflective questions. One of the most powerful is this:
“When you were a child or teenager, what did you want to be when you grew up?”
It sounds simple, even cliché, but the gold lies in how you interpret the answer.
Let me give you an example from my own life. At various points growing up, I wanted to be:
- a priest
- a Garda (Irish police officer)
- a soldier
Quite different roles. I didn’t pursue any of them — but that’s not the point. The real insight comes from the next question:
“What was it about that role that attracted you?”
That’s where the clues hide.
The Priest
Growing up Irish Catholic, attending church was simply part of life. Friends became altar boys, so I did too. What drew me to the priesthood wasn’t religion — it was the kindness. The care. The patience. The way priests showed up for people in their darkest moments. That presence stayed with me.
The Garda
My interest in joining An Garda Síochána had nothing to do with chasing criminals. I was influenced by our Community Garda — a man who made everyone feel safe, heard, and remembered. He knew every name, every story, every worry. He was upbeat (pardon the pun) and always ready with a listening ear and a cup of tea.
I wanted to be that person for others. Unfortunately, at the time there was a minimum height requirement, and I didn’t meet it. The EU has since removed it as discriminatory — if only I’d been born a few years later.
The Soldier
This one was pure adventure. The physical challenge. The discipline. The drive to be the best version of yourself.
Connecting the Dots
When I say the clues were always there, this is what I mean.
Today, I work one‑on‑one with people, helping them navigate challenges in their careers and personal lives. It feels natural — like what I’m meant to do. It’s not exactly what a priest or a Community Garda does, but being there for people is a huge part of it.
And the soldier? Well… I still find ways to push myself physically: martial arts, Ironman events, ultramarathons. That part never left.
The Secret to Finding Your Purpose
So now I’ll ask you:
- As a child or teenager, what did you want to be when you grew up?
- And what was it about those things that attracted you?
If you’re contemplating a change — trying to figure out your “thing” — here are a few more questions that can help:
- What are three goals you’d like to achieve in the next 12 months? What will achieving them give you personally?
- Who are three people whose life paths you admire, and why? What’s the common thread?
- What are three things you love doing so much that time disappears?
- What comes naturally and easily to you? What are your skills?
Finding your purpose isn’t always straightforward but there are clues in your answers if you take the time to listen.
Finding Your Purpose Isn’t the Hard Part
Identifying your purpose is rarely the biggest challenge – I help people do that all the time. The hard part is the courage it takes to pursue it.
- How much study might be required?
- How much rejection can you tolerate?
- Are you willing to make the mistakes necessary to learn the lessons?
For me, the journey was worth it – every faulty, uncertain step.
And if you ever need a cheerleader or someone in your corner, feel free to reach out. I’ll be there for you.
Are you interested in tools for building a high performing team? Then check out my new book ‘Now, Lead Others’.
If you’re interested in hearing more tips about how you can Unleash Your Potential or that of your team, please feel free to drop me a note. I’m always happy to share ideas and help where I can.
Photo by Carlos Magno on Unsplash
